I
Brawjoe Bagchi woke up after fifty years. He felt strange at
first, but when he saw that the sun was still the same, burning up the Kolkata
sky at eleven in the morning, he was convinced that things haven’t changed much
all these years. Drops of sweat made his shirt wet, and Brawjoe felt a sudden
urge to strip and run naked.
So it was true! All the money he spent all those years ago
didn’t go to waste. He had to sell his own house, his estranged wife’s
jewellery and illegally sell his father’s farmhouse without his knowledge. All
for a little over a million dollars. Well, in 2016, that was the price one had
to pay to have a shot at being brought back to life.
Between the years 2000 and 2015, Brawjoe, by his own exalted
estimate, had consumed over two thousand litres of alcohol. 4 pegs a day on
weekdays, which would usually keep him sober, unless he followed it up with a
joint of marijuana. And on weekends, his usual way to keep count of the pegs
would be to see how many cigarettes he had smoked. Brawjoe was a man of
principles- a cigarette a peg, never more, never less. There have been weekends
when he had finished a twenty’s pack, passed out in a whorehouse, woke up with
his puke all over him, and happily trudged off for a big brunch that also
included unlimited alcohol. Life, to Brawjoe,
was to be lived every moment. When he would be drunk beyond reproach on a
Friday evening, he would quote one of his favourite film dialogues from Satyajit
Ray’s ‘Nayak’- ‘ektai life, ektai chance’ (one life, one chance). Some great man had said, ‘live every day as if
it’s your last day on earth’. Brawjoe took it literally; he even bought a
poster with the quote and hung it on his bedroom wall.
When he was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2015, Brawjoe’s
friends were not surprised. It seemed as inevitable as Brawjoe’s four pegs on
weekdays. When the doctors told him he had less than a year to live, Brawjoe
took an impulsive decision. He had seen people in his family wither away in the
onslaught of cancer, dumped in a heap on a hospital bed, pathetically waiting
to die and still longingly pumping their veins with chemo with the false hope
of a miracle. Brawjoe would have none of that. He resigned from his job. Alcohol,
debauchery and dope had finished off a large part of his savings, but he still
had enough to live like a king for a year. His wife had left him several years
ago and had gone away with a friend of his. A friend who would always score
great dope, but ended up stealing his wife eventually. Brawjoe felt no anger.
He never felt any emotion particularly strongly. He didn’t feel particularly
close to his parents. In his life, they were just there- like that old painting
of Jamini Roy stuck in his drawing room,
which didn’t mean anything to him, but he felt good having it around.
Brawjoe went on a trip of a lifetime. He travelled along the
Himalayas, something he had always longed to do. He started off near Turtuk, a
village on the India-Pakistan border in Kashmir. Six months later, when he was
finally brought to Kolkata in a delirious state, he was found in Arunachal
Pradesh. He had a beard like Tagore, and smelled like a blanket that hadn’t
been washed for years.
Brawjoe’s parents arranged for palliative care for him. The
doctors gave him three months. Brawjoe hated it. Here he was, a fifty kilo
skeleton withering away on a rotten bed, stuck in his parents’ clutches.
It was then that Brawjoe fell in love. It was the nurse who
cared for him, as part of the palliative care. Ahanaa was her name. Her parents
had added the “a” at the end of her name, on the family astrologer’s advice.
The extra “a” was supposed to be a harbinger of good fortune for her. Brawjoe
found it fascinating talking to her. She would tell him about the last wishes
of the people she had been with. And the commonest regret she had heard was
that people wanted to live longer. Brawjoe wanted to just tuck his head on her
lap and sleep. He wanted to kiss her, make love to her all night till they
would be too exhausted.
Brawjoe made up his mind. He had a friend in cancer
research, who had been telling him for some years that a cure for cancer is
only a few decades away. All he needed, Brawjoe convinced himself, was to
freeze himself up, and be resuscitated whenever they found a cure for liver
cancer. Cryonic suspension was easier than it was before. You needed a good
deal of money, and there were agencies in India who would do the rest.
Brawjoe set to work. He sold off whatever he had. His father
had a farmhouse about a 100 kilometres from Kolkata. It was a place where the
family got together every month. The indulgent father had ensured that the
farmhouse was in Brawjoe’s name, and Brawjoe made sure his father paid a price
for his misplaced indulgence. He sold off the farmhouse to a rich Marwari
businessman, who was pleasantly surprised at the sheer lack of negotiation on
the seller’s part.
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II
Brawjoe realised he could not strip, even if he wanted to.
He was strapped to the bed, and it wasn’t even part of any sexual foreplay. A
bored looking doctor came over with a few gaping interns, who looked at Brawjoe
the way Brawjoe would look at lengurs in the Alipur Zoo when he was young.
The sun was shining through the transparent roof. Brawjoe
hadn’t ever seen a hospital like this, assuming this was even a hospital. The
doctor, however, spoke the same gibberish that he had always been used to. He
always secretly suspected that doctors and lawyers spoke in gibberish just to
appear important.
With a condescending look, Brawjoe asked the doctor, “So,
I’m actually back? What year is it?”
“It’s the year 66”, said the doctor, nonchalantly.
“What? So I’m back in time? But it doesn’t make any sense.
The world didn’t have such facilities in
AD 66”.
“AD 66? What’s that?”
“Anno domini, you know”.
One of the intern giggled, “Hey, he speaks Latin!” Brawjoe
felt like slapping him.
The doctor explained, “We have done away with the concept of
adding 2000 before years. It was taking up too much space in our databases, and
after the last worldwide system crash, everything has been shortened.”
Brawjoe felt disgusted. “Can I just go now?” he asked.
“Of course, you can check out any time you like. All your
fees are paid for in advance, when you signed up 50 years ago.”
Brawjoe tried to add wittily, “but I can never leave,
right?”, but no one got the Hotel California reference. They all stared at him
blindly.
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III
Outside, on the road, Brawjoe felt strangely liberated. The
doctor had told him that he was 36 all over again, and he could live for well
over a hundred years. That was the life expectancy in India now. He could begin
it all, start with a clean slate, with a clean bill of health. He could live
his life to the fullest, again.
But along with the sense of liberation, there was a
throbbing pain in his head. A craving for something that he couldn’t quite
pinpoint at first. He soon realised he needed a cigarette. Brawjoe walked along
the streets. The area looked like Park Street, but there was not a single soul
on the road. His favourite cigarette stall, right ahead of Olypub, was not
there anymore. It had been replaced by a very small departmental store.
“Can I buy a pack of cigarettes? What are the brands
available?” he asked at the counter, directing his questions to an
expressionless man.
“Cigarettes? Which year are you in, friend? They have been
banned over ten years ago.”
Looking at Brawjoe’s flabbergasted face, the man with the
deadpan face leaned forward and whispered, “you can always go to New town phase
48. I’m told that some underground bars there still sell vintage cigarettes.”
Brawjoe trudged along. He walked several miles towards his
house on Southern Avenue. He didn’t have much of a choice. There were no taxis
on the road. Some sort of an advanced elevated railway system seemed to manage
the metropolis’ public transportation system. He also saw lots of saucer like
contraptions in the sky, which looked like Tata Nanos without wheels. These
contraptions would come down on the road, and the passengers would touch the
door with their fingers and get in. It looked like a highly evolved version of
the radio taxis Brawjoe used to take back in the day.
Brawjoe’s house was still there. He knocked on the door. The
sense of familiarity made him happy. His parents were no longer there, but his
sister was still alive. She was old, over 80 years old, and very frail. Even
though they were meeting after 50 years, Brawjoe found his sister unusually cold.
Apparently, no one in the family had forgiven Brawjoe for selling that
godforsaken farmhouse.
Brawjoe went in search of his friends. Most were dead. The
ones who were alive seemed very distant. He finally managed to find Aritra, his
oldest friend. After Brawjoe was frozen, Aritra became close to Brawjoe’s
nurse, Ahanaa. He made her drop the extra “a” and got married to her. Ahana was
no more, she passed away five years ago.
Aritra didn’t drink anymore. Alcohol consumption was linked
to Aadhar cards now. Everything you did was linked to Aadhar, apparently.
Drinking more than two pegs a week meant a fine of a million rupees. The
measure of a peg itself was only 25 ml now.
Brawjoe begged Aritra for some cash. Aritra smiled. There
was no cash anymore. Shortly after Brawjoe was frozen, a cashless revolution
began in India. Many died, but those who survived it vowed never to use cash
again. India was a rich country now. There were no farmers, all food was processed
and machine produced and usually tasteless. The word “vegetarian” had been
added to the Constitution’s preamble a couple of decades earlier. One could
still get meat, but since it was also linked to the Aadhar card, it was
rationed to 100 grams a year. And because it was also machine produced, it tasted
like stale rubber, in Aritra’s words. The good part though, according to
Aritra, was that there were no gays or Muslims any more either. It was
compulsory to be a heterosexual Hindu, and a bill had recently been passed in
the lower house of the parliament to add the words “heterosexual” and “Hindu”
also to the Constitution’s preamble. Pollution control was taken very
seriously. Everyone was allowed a certain amount of carbon footprint (linked to
Aadhar, of course), but exceeding the permissible amount meant you had to stay
home till your footprint came down to an acceptable level. Aritra had gone
slightly overboard during his son’s fifth wedding recently. He had gorged on
processed paneer and had taken out his vintage car for a quick spin. He has
been under compulsory home arrest (senior citizens were allowed a 25% discount)
for the last one month, and is required to be home for another three months.
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IV
When Brawjoe had gulped down his thirtieth peg, smoked his
thirtieth cigarette (bought at a fortune from the very shady New Town Phase 48)
and finished almost a kilo of mutton rogan josh (which he had cooked himself),
he did not wait for the police to arrive. According to the current penal code
provisions, he had researched, he would spend about 34 years in jail for his
indiscretions.
When the police found Brawjoe Bagchi after two days, he was
hanging from the ceiling, a noose round his neck, his eyes protruding and his
middle finger pointed upwards. He was found naked. It was the first suicide in
India in over fifteen years.
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